


Losing Slowly

by Stark_Black



Series: Wounds and Wisdom [4]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Almost Sex, Angst, By That I Mean A Lot Of Language, Kid Hates Himself, Kind of Fucked-Up Relationship, M/M, Past Abuse, Romance, Self-Hatred, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Yeah There's Romance, some language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-05 21:38:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14627535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stark_Black/pseuds/Stark_Black
Summary: Kidd has been working desperately to build a new life, and he's making it, mostly. But when a threat from the past returns, and the very person he has been trying to protect is caught in the middle, Kidd has to decide which parts of himself he's going to sacrifice.There's really only one option though: his heart.





	Losing Slowly

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you that are new to the party, this is the fourth installment in a series of KiddxLaw fics that tell the story of how these two met, fucked up, and then sort of made everything work again. The entire thing is a side series of the main story line, [Memories](https://archiveofourown.org/series/24968). You could read this without reading the other stories, but I don't recommend it. Some of it won't make sense. 
> 
> For those of you that have been waiting for this, you're welcome. This is what happened during the time skip. :)

Looking back on it, Kidd and Law had escaped their criminal lives in California so easily, it was almost bullshit.

After narrowly escaping the raid with their lives, they fled north, driving for a day and a half, almost nonstop, and had ended up in Seattle on a gray, drizzly Saturday at about two in the afternoon. They had sought asylum under the protection of Kaku and his crew, and when they had finally managed to speak to Dalton, they discovered the detective had already gone and tied up most of their loose ends.

Law spoke to a DA, gave a statement that was apparently good enough to warrant a pardon, and was then faxed papers that gave him a new identity. He was Thomas Heart now, a new man, with a new social security number, and medical school credit. Both Kidd and Law knew that none of that would have been possible if not for Dalton, and it was going to be a cold day in hell when they were going to be able to repay him for that.

So that was it, Eustass Kidd was smoke and Trafalgar Law was dead. Just like that. If Kidd had known it was that fucking easy to disappear, he would have grabbed Law and hauled ass a long time ago.

Now, however, there was the problem of what to do about each other.

They got a shitty apartment in a shitty neighborhood and every night Kidd went to the club and worked as a bouncer or bodyguard or whatever Kaku or Lucci needed him to do. He liked the atmosphere, he liked the steady pound of the bass that thrummed through the very walls of the structure. He liked the press of bodies against him, the occasional scuffle, the rare but welcome brawl, and most of all, Kidd liked the matches.

Kidd quickly grew to be one of the most formattable fighters in the area, second only to Luffy, but Kidd never felt any resentment at that because the younger Portgas brother was a goddamn titan. Kidd won every fight he entered, made the club more money than even the cook and the swordsman duo, and that was saying a lot, those two were fucking crazy. He made friends, or colleagues suppose you could say, and was eventually offered a job as one of Kaku’s inner circle. Kidd actually ended up turning that down, because he needed to stay under the radar for a bit longer, but when Kaku and Lucci pulled him up into the office one night and offered him a deal that included eventually taking over the place when they left, he couldn’t refuse.

Six months later, the club was his. Kaku and his crew left to expand into Canada, and Kidd got to work remodeling the place. He had enough money saved to do basically anything he wanted, and what he wanted, was to go straight.

Yeah, that’s right, straight. Fuck off, you heard right. Straight as in no more doing favors for area bosses, no hiding bodies, no paying off crooked cops to look the other way. None of that shit. It was time for making money, for getting your name out there in the legitimate business world. For _paying taxes._

No more looking over your shoulder and being sure you just seen a guy with a pistol hidden under his jacket. No watching the rearview everywhere you drove. No more checking every nook and cranny and window in every room you occupy because you’re terrified that the love of your life is going to get blown to bits or shot in the back if you’re not at the top of your game every second.

Yeah, you heard that right too. Shut the fuck up.

Kidd knew that Law was and always would be his one and only. There was no getting around that. But he also knew there were two things that had to happen if Law was going to make it to forty. The first thing was: Kidd needed to go straight so the heat stayed off him and his part of town. And not just the heat, Kidd’s life needed to be so legitimate that the wise guys that weren’t Enel or Hawkins were bored as hell when they got updates on what Kidd was doing.

The second thing was: Kidd needed to keep his damn hands off Law at all costs.

Kidd knew he was bad for Law, he knew that. There was an entire laundry list of reasons why, but going through them made Kidd want to punch puppies, so to keep a very long and depressing story short, let’s just leave it at whenever Kidd and Law got close, started to get happy or whatever, shit went bad, and Law got hurt. Well, to be completely honest, Kidd got hurt too, but Kidd didn’t give a shit if he got hurt, getting hurt was what he did best.

And killing people, he actually did that really well too.

But he didn’t do that anymore.

So, to keep Law from getting too close, Kidd tried to be at the club all the time. It worked for a while because Law was back in medical school, kicking ass, and didn’t have the time to be drinking and partying every night. But it wasn’t long before Law was making a shit ton of money all on his own, without even fighting in the pit, which was such a great thing because Kidd fucking _hated_ it when Law fought in the pit. Then Law got into the rhythm of real life and found time to be at the club on weekends, and that started to fuck with Kidd’s plans.

How was Kidd supposed to keep Law safe if he was always around? Not that he minded when Law was around, hell no. The best parts of Kidd’s days were when he was looking down at Law’s mouth, or into his dark eyes, or watching the way his fucking amazing body moved to do something as simple as shift in his chair so he could prop a foot up on the opposite knee. But god fucking damnit, if he was going to be near Kidd all the time and look at him like Kidd was the whole fucking world? It wasn’t going to work.

Originally, Kidd had planned on making the top floor of the club a kind of penthouse suite that bigwigs could rent out for parties or use as a place to stay when visiting Seattle, but then he changed his mind and decided it was going to be for him. Instead of a suite, it would be an apartment. It was a good idea, that way Kidd could be close to his project all the time, keep an eye on his investment even when he was home.

That bit of news didn’t go over well when Law found out. Law had actually found a place in north Seattle for them and was devastated when Kidd refused to even look at it. Rightfully so. Kidd had never voiced any of his thoughts about not staying together. The two of them had been living together in that shitty apartment for almost a year, sharing a bathroom, sleeping in the same room—on separate mattresses but still. Why wouldn’t Law think they would get a place together?

They’d had one of the worst fights ever that night. When Kidd left in the early morning hours, carrying his duffel filled with his meager possessions on his back, he had stopped and listed to Law in the bathroom, coughing, spitting blood into the sink, and softly sobbing. When he tossed his key on the counter, he told himself that this was for the best. When he shut the door behind him and moved down the stairs, he told himself that he was keeping Law safe this way. An hour later, he sat on the floor in the unfinished apartment above the club and tried to drown the pain of his heart with an entire bottle of whiskey.

It was almost three months before he saw Law again, and when he did, that’s when everything _really_ went to shit.

* * *

 

_April 16, 2016_

“Boss, you need to come downstairs.”

Kidd turned to find Killer standing in his apartment doorway, haggard, eyes wild. That was messed up in itself. As of six seconds ago, Kidd was sure nothing rattled this guy’s cage. That was the main reason Kidd had made Killer his general manager. What the fuck could possibly be happening to make this usually stoic dude look like _that?_

“What’s going on?”

Killer held up his hands. “Doflamingo.”

Jesus Christ, it better not be Luffy. He promised. He _fucking promised_.

“Show me.”

Killer led him down the stairs and then through the door to the basement. The reconstruction of the pit wasn’t complete, so where there would eventually be marble, stainless steel, and actual stadium seating, there was just a whole lot of dirt and rubble. Piles of wood and brick dotted the space, as did piles of unmixed sand and concrete. The place was a glorified construction site.

Or a battleground.

What the fuck was happening?

There was a lot of shouting, and a lot of blood. Kidd spotted Luffy first, surrounded by seven or eight of Doflamingo’s men. The kid was shouting, snarling at anyone and everyone, punching out with his hands when he could slip out of someone’s grip, but then another goon would grab the arm and pin it back down. The swordsman was there too, struggling with a large, blond guy. They seemed to be pretty evenly matched, but the swordsman guy looked like he had murder on his mind. What the fuck?

Oh, the cook. That blond cook was there, broken and bloody, lying on the floor with his legs wrapped around that Steven Tyler-looking motherfucker’s neck. Wasn’t too hard to figure out what happened there, and why the swordsman looked ready to actually kill someone.

There were other groups of fighting as well, Drake had a few of Doflamingo’s men up against a pile of brick, and Bartolomeo was laying into a bunch of guys with his brass knuckles. Kidd even saw the dude with the sniper’s eye and the redheaded woman from Luffy’s crew.

What the hell was going on? Seriously, what the fuck?

Luffy had _promised_.

He spotted Doflamingo himself then, wrestling with someone in a pile of wood and debris. His back was to Kidd, his ridiculous, pink feathered thing splattered with blood and hanging off his shoulder as if it was ripped and slipping off. Kidd couldn’t tell right away who he was fighting, but he figured it was Luffy’s brother.

But then a hand reached up and gripped the collar of Doflamingo’s shirt, and Kidd saw the tattoos.

He bolted.

Kidd didn’t think, didn’t plan, he just flew across the dirt floor dodging piles of rubble and fighting bodies with the ease of someone in a frenzy. He didn’t see anything but those tattooed fingers, and red. Lots and lots of fucking red.

Doflamingo had Law’s throat in his hands, slowly squeezing the life out of him. For one fraction of a second, Kidd saw the flash of anger, of rage and hatred burning in Law’s eyes and Kidd wondered where that came from, and how was he able to hang on to it all while he was being slowly killed.

Two years ago, Doflamingo would have been be dead. No question. The gun in Kidd’s hand would have shot a bullet straight through the fucker’s temple and splattered his brains out the other side, but this was now, and Kidd had learned how to think a few steps ahead. Despite his rage and his panic at seeing Law dying at Doflamingo’s hands, he knew that killing the bastard would bring a storm of shit. A storm that would be powerful enough to ruin everything he had worked for and would end up getting Law killed anyway.

So he took Doflamingo’s distraction as an opportunity, and got in close enough to press the barrel of his Sig P226 into close-cropped, blond hair.

“Let him go,” he said simply.

Doflamingo froze, and the smile that was already stretched across his face widened.

“I thought you condoned this kind of thing down here.”

Kidd pressed the barrel harder against Doflamingo’s skull and snarled. He was so angry, he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to resist, but when his eyes flickered down to Law’s face, at those furious eyes, he felt renewed in his decision. This was for Law, this was for him. What Kidd wanted didn’t matter.

“Let him go,” he repeated.

The noise and fighting surrounding them had quieted. Kidd could still hear Luffy shouting, calling out Kidd’s name, could still hear the long stream of filthy words pouring from the injured cook’s bloody mouth, but other than that, and a few sounds of shuffling over the gravel and dirt floor, it was quiet. Everyone was waiting to see what Doflamingo would do. His actions would determine the course of the night.

Large, tanned hands released Law’s neck, and Law gasped. He coughed once and turned to the side, sucking in deep lungful after lungful of air.

Kidd’s heart skipped, and he almost sagged in relief. Then he stepped back to let Doflamingo stand, the man’s large body stretching up to be almost three inches taller than Kidd’s six foot five. He straightened the stupid pink thing and ran his hands down his shirt, smoothing the silk down and buttoning the few buttons that had come undone.

“You know how this works,” Doflamingo said, “your boy here challenged me, and I’m obligated to accept.”

Kidd thumbed the safety on his gun and slipped it back into his side holster. “We’re not affiliated with anyone you have to save face with anymore. If he challenged you, you could have refused. Besides,” he took a step closer to the tall man, his skin hot and his heart beating like he had just run a hundred miles, “no one fights in my club without my approval.”

Doflamingo chuckled and the sound slid down Kidd’s spine like a snake. “You know, I think I’ve been a pretty good sport about you two. When you left you took out some pretty big names, and that opened up opportunities for myself and people under me, so I felt like letting you two have your out was sufficient repayment for that.”

Kidd made to interrupt but Doflamingo held up a hand. “However, _Mr. Heart_ here came to me about some _personal_ business between us. Past connections and affiliations don’t apply in this particular situation.”

Kidd’s eye flickered to Law, who had sat up and was holding his injured left arm. He didn’t look at Kidd, and the way his shoulders sagged told Kidd there was more to this than Doflamingo was saying.

“Well,” Kidd said softly, “I don’t give a shit what personal business you two have. This is my club, and it’s my rules. You wanna fight him? You set it up proper, or there’ll be consequences.”

At that, Doflamingo threw his head back and laughed. “What consequences? You said yourself you aren’t affiliated with anyone anymore, who the hell’s going to come to your rescue? What do you think’s going to happen when I blow the whistle on who Heart really is?”

Instead of cowering, which Kidd was sure Doflamingo was used to, Kidd grinned. His smile spread wide to show off his pearl whites.

“You forget, Doffy,” he said, his voice taking a softly maniacal tone, “this business, is legitimate. We have the backing of Smoker and Dalton. Two different districts of badass motherfuckers you can’t buy. That also means we can bring in Newgate and his crew if need be. Motherfucking Whitebeard. You wanna mess with that?”

Doflamingo’s smile had disappeared.

“You can start a war if you want,” Kidd continued, “but we got a whole lot of firepower now. We might not be able to beat you ultimately, but we will _fuck up your shit_ before we go down. So, follow my rules, we’ll cooperate, and most of us will make it out of this without too many scratches.”

There was a moment, a mere stretch of maybe a second and half, where time stood still (fuckin’ poetry again) and Kidd was sure Doflamingo was going to say fuck it and attack everyone anyway. But then he chuckled again and turned to signal the man that had been previously suffocating under the cook’s kung fu leg grip.

“Diamante,” he barked, “get everyone together. Well regroup and come back tomorrow night.” He turned back to Kidd and gave him a lazy salute. “I trust you can get things set up for us?”

Kidd nodded.

As Doflamingo’s crew filed out, Kidd turned to Luffy, who merely nodded to him and then made his way over to where the swordsman was helping the cook to his feet. Kidd found the redheaded woman, what was her name, Nami? And asked her to call Luffy’s doctor friend.

When he finally got to Law’s side, Law had somehow made it to his feet by himself and was standing, hunched, holding his arm, and staring off at the far wall. Kidd came in close and reached out a hand to press against his back. He could feel the tension in the man’s body. He was in so much pain that just standing was almost too much.

“Come upstai—”

“—I don’t need your help,” Law said softly.

“I know,” Kidd tried not to take offense. He was the asshole after all, he deserved everything Law did or said to him. “Just get over yourself for a second and come upstairs so I can make sure you ain’t gonna die on me.”

Law shook his head. “Like you care.”

Frustrated, Kidd tried another tactic. “Fine. Come upstairs for a drink. The best whiskey in the place is up in my apartment.”

Law seemed to think about it for a moment, like he was conflicted. Well, of course he was, why wouldn’t he be? His best friend and lover who betrayed him and fucked him up and then led him on for another few years and then dropped him like he was nothing, was suddenly wanting to pour him a drink? Yeah, that sounds great, let’s do that.

What could possibly go wrong?

* * *

Once upstairs in Kidd’s apartment, Law settled himself into one of Kidd’s cushioned chairs, wincing as bones and bruises pushed against leather fabric. Kidd watched him out the corner of his eye as he pulled a bottle of Chivas Royal and two glasses from the shelf.

“Anything broken?” Kidd asked. He shouldn’t ask, talking would only make everything worse. Kidd knew he should just give Law his drink, patch him up, and then send him on his way. The longer they stayed in the same room, the harder it was going to be to let him go again.

Law sighed softly and put a hand on his left arm again. “No, but I think my shoulder is dislocated.”

“Christ,” Kidd mumbled and set everything down on the coffee table. He gently took Law’s arm in his hands and felt along the cuff just below the blade. It was definitely out, the socket was wide and the arm was lowered at an odd angle. This wasn’t the first time this had happened.

“I’m gonna count to three.”

“Shit.”

“One.”

There was a _snap!_ and Law let out a howl of pain.

“Aahhrgg, you bastard!”

Kidd shrugged and picked up the bottle. “It’s like a band aid.”

“Yeah, I know,” Law growled, “but you don’t have to be a dick about it.”

Kidd put three fingers of whiskey into both glasses and handed one to Law, who took it gratefully and downed a long swallow. Sitting across from him in the other chair, Kidd studied Law cautiously, while taking only a small sip from his own glass.

Law’s face was bruised on the right side, his eye swollen and starting to turn purple. There was blood at the corner of his mouth, and a small trickle of it running down the side of his neck. His eyes seemed fine, and he didn’t seem to be shivering or flushed, so Kidd figured he’d at least live until Luffy’s doctor friend got here.

“So, what happened?” he asked. “Why’d you blow your cover? Saturday night fights aren’t enough for you? You had to get yourself almost killed to get your rocks off?”

Law shook his head, sighing heavily. “I don’t see how it’s any of y—”

“—If you say some shit like it’s none of my business, I’ll finish what Doflamingo fucking started.”

Law actually smiled at that. “Empty threats.”

“I’ll fight you right here, asshole. It’d be like snappin’ a dry stick in half.”

Leaning back in his chair, Law let his head fall back, exposing his neck. His legs fell open. It was a dick move, he knew that position got Kidd hot.

“You’d rather fuck me than fight me. Don’t pretend.”

That was true, but Kidd had learned some self-control, and Law didn’t know that.

“Don’t think you can manipulate your way out of telling me what the fuck’s going on between you and Doflamingo.”

Caught in his act, Law froze, then sighed and straightened. He winced once but then covered it when he took another swallow from his glass. “The shit between me and Doffy goes way back, even before I met you. He was part of the reason I was able to get made in the first place.”

That was interesting, and a little terrifying. “Okay, so he’s got shit on you? You owe him something now you gotta antiup?”

“Yeah,” Law scoffed, “something like that.”

“Why’re you being so fucking cagey?”

Law slammed the empty glass down on the coffee table. “Why’re you being so goddamn insistent!? You pushed me out of your life, and now you’re putting your nose into a bunch of shit where it doesn’t belong! Like you care! Like you give a damn about what I do or who I do it with!”

Law’s eyes were wet and Kidd hated himself for that. For the ten thousandth time he thought about how he should have never gotten involved with Law in the first place. It had been unprofessional and dangerous, and now, so many people had paid for it. Law more than anyone.

Sighing softly, Kidd set his drink on the coffee table and scooted forward in his seat. The chairs were close enough that the two men’s knees almost touched, so when Kidd leaned in, he was much closer to Law than he knew was a good idea.

“Look,” he said as softly as he could, he wasn’t very good at this gentle shit, “I may have pushed you out, but that was for your own good. I can’t be the one who’s responsible for getting you killed just ‘cause I want you around. That ain’t fair to you.”

“You don’t know what’s good for me and what’s not,” Law said. “You haven’t been around for months, you have no idea how it’s been.”

“Yeah, but I was with you for almost nine years before that. Shit ain’t gonna change that much in a few months.”

Law looked away, clenching his jaw. He obviously had something else he wanted to say, but was fighting with himself on whether or not to say it.

“What?” Kidd asked, as gentle as he could.

Law sighed again and shook his head. “You know Doflamingo’s here because of me, right?”

Kidd nodded. “I figured that part out. But why?”

“Because he _wants me_ ,” Law turned and looked at him then, and the piercing look on his face drove his point home.

Anger started to boil in Kidd’s gut, swift and sharp. It was like a wildfire through dry grass, it came from nowhere and spread across the plain of his body faster than he was prepared to deal with.

“What…” Kidd growled.

“I made a deal with him a long time ago. I’ll spare you the details, but it was basically he did me a favor, and he said I would owe him. He made it no secret exactly what he was going to come after when it was time to pay up. I was a fucking kid with no experience and he saw someone he could overpower and control. ‘Break in’ he used to say.”

Seething, Kidd leaned forward into Law’s space, placed his hands on the armrests beside Law’s elbows. “You let that son of a bitch touch you and I’ll cut his throat. I’ll gut him from crotch to chin and leave him for the fucking seagulls down by the peer, fuck the consequences.”

It took a moment to recognize that Law was smiling at him. When the realization hit him, Kidd pulled back a little bit and took a breath.

“You’re always so quick to defend me,” Law said softly, “unless it’s something between us, of course. But… I always appreciated that.”

Kidd ignored that because he couldn’t deal with complements right now.

“That why you challenged him?” he asked. “Better to be dead than fucked by him?”

Law shrugged, “Well, truth be told I wasn’t planning on dying. I had Luffy and his crew for backup, I just didn’t expect Doffy to be so well-prepared.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He tried to mask the hurt in his voice because holy shit he didn’t deserve to be told anything ever. Law didn’t owe him shit.

Scoffing, Law turned back to the whiskey bottle. He picked it up from the table and poured another few fingers into his glass. “You would have tried to stop me, or worse, fought him yourself, and I couldn’t let you do that.”

Kidd watched him as he knocked back the alcohol in a few quick swallows, then set the glass back down. His face had become a mess of purples, his eye slightly less swollen than before, but darker, almost black in a crescent below the lower eyelid. He was still moving stiffly, favoring the ribs on his right side, and he also hadn’t moved his arm since Kidd had put the shoulder back into place. The worst part of it all was, on his throat there was a set of fingerprints stamped into his flesh in different shades of red, outlined in that same purple that covered his left cheek and temple.

“You’re in no condition to fight him now,” Kidd murmured. “He almost killed you tonight. How do you think you’ll survive tomorrow?”

“If it’s official, he can’t kill me.”

“He could do a lot of other shit to you, and then when you’re fucked up and defeated he could take what he came here to get anyway.”

Law shook his head. “Won’t come to that. If I lose, that’ll be the repayment. Luffy’ll make sure of it.”

As much as he trusted Luffy, the whole thing still felt wrong. There were too many ways this could go south. Doflamingo could kill Law during the fight and call it an accident, or worse, he could hurt him just enough that Law came out of the fight alive but a vegetable, that too could still be played off as an accident.

What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to just let Law fight someone Kidd knew he couldn’t beat? Was he just supposed to watch? Was he just supposed to let it play out?

He jumped when he felt Law’s touch on his cheek. When he turned to meet those dark eyes, he found Law’s gaze had softened. It startled Kidd enough that he didn’t have time to react when Law scooted forward and breathed gently across his cheek.

“So, did I hear you right when you said you wanted me around?”

Shit.

He closed his eyes and tried to regroup. This was what he had been worried about, this was the point of the conversation when things started to get out of control.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said carefully through clenched teeth. “I want you around as a business partner because we’re good together when it comes to profits.”

“We’re good together in other ways too,” Law whispered.

Kidd shivered despite himself. “No, we’re not.”

Teeth scraped across his jaw and Kidd swallowed a moan. Warm breath ghosted into the shell of his ear and Law whispered, “Good for me, bad for me, it doesn’t matter. None of this shit is worth it if I don’t have you.”

Law smelled like blood and aftershave and dirt and whiskey. The combination made Kidd feel heady, light, and without thinking, he turned his face into that tattooed neck and breathed in. He ran his lips over that smooth, familiar skin, and pressed a kiss just below the stubble on that perfect jaw.

He felt his back hit the chair as Law came over him, kissing Kidd’s lips like they were air and he was suffocating. It was a wild, frantic dance of ripping at clothes and biting into each other’s flesh. It was so hot and invigorating and sexy, Kidd couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. All he could think about was getting Law on the floor, tearing off the rest of his clothes, and wrapping those long legs around his head. He would dive into that heat and feast until Law was hoarse from screaming.

But then, Kidd grabbed onto Law’s arms and pulled a bit too hard. Law cried out in pain, and his body stuttered as he tried to cope with the fresh damage to his shoulder. The movement brought everything back, the blood, the gunshots, the bruises and the stitches. The belt around Law’s wrists. The way Law had looked up at him, his eyes full of love and devotion even as Kidd tore open his body and violated him.

Feeling sick, Kidd straightened his arms, pushing Law back from him as far as he could go.

“Stop,” he said, breathless.

“Fuck you,” Law cried, trying to claw his way back, “don’t tell me what I—”

“—Shut up.”

“No, you fucking shut up!” Law snarled into his face. He pulled his arms from Kidd’s hands and placed his palms on Kidd’s cheeks. He brought their foreheads together and the look in his eyes broke Kidd’s heart.

“Listen to me,” he said softly against Kidd’s mouth, “just listen, okay? I love you. I need you right now, I can’t deal with this on my own. Let me stay with you tonight, let me be with you. I’ll do whatever you want.”

He closed his eyes and kissed Kidd’s lips so softly it was almost like it hadn’t happened at all.

“Please do this for me. Just in case something does happen tomorrow night, I don’t want to spend tonight alone.”

If Kidd was a good man, he would have been in turmoil. He would have been thinking, what the fuck am I supposed to say to that? What the hell do I do?

Any decent person would get that when your best friend, the love of your life, the one thing that gets you up in the morning and keeps you going through the day, asks you to be with them the night before they could possibly die, you don’t say shit. You just shut up and fucking do it.

But Kidd was and never will be a good man. He was not in turmoil, and he was definitely not thinking about anything except that terrible night all those years ago. How the tears ran from Law’s eyes, and his voice, hoarse and scratching, moaned in pain against the pillow as Kidd drove into him without regard for his well-being, or his safety, or his heart, or anything else that fucking _mattered_. All Kidd had been thinking that night had been how angry he was, how betrayed he had felt. And of course, like it always was, violence had been his way to cope with it.

Law had not deserved that, but Kidd hadn’t been able to control himself. He had completely lost it, and in doing so, had lost every right to be with Law in any capacity.

He was nauseated, sick in his stomach from the memories, and sick in his heart from what he had to do now.

Slowly, carefully, Kidd reached up and took Law’s wrists in his hands. He pulled that touch from his face and lowered those tattooed fingers into Law’s lap.

“I can’t,” he said softly. It wasn’t even really a lie. Every time he thought back to that terrible night, he felt so much shame, so much hatred at himself it was almost overwhelming. There was no guarantee he would be able to control himself now, or in the future, and if he ended up hurting Law like that again, Kidd knew it would kill him.

He didn’t have to look up to know the expression on Law’s face. He could feel it in the other man’s body. Tension froze every muscle that touched him, Law’ breath halted and stopped puffing against his skin. They were frozen in time for a moment, caught in an endless loop of unbelief, sadness, and regret.

Kidd could actually _hear_ Law’s heart breaking. God, he hated himself.

“Fuck you,” Law whispered.

Kidd said nothing and stared hard down at the buckle on his jeans.

Law’s breath caught and for one terrible moment, Kidd thought he was going to cry.

He did not. “You’re a fucking liar. Is this payback for what I did to you?”

Kidd did look up then, surprised. “What?”

Law’s eyes were murderous, fury burning brightly in their blackness. “Is this payback for all those years I informed on you? I fucked you but didn’t tell you who I really was, betrayed your trust, so now that you know I can’t live without you, you toss me aside like fucking trash?”

The anger returned and started to boil in Kidd’s gut once more. “You know I don’t give a shit about that anymore.”

“You have an awful way of showing it.”

“Fuck you,” Kidd snarled, “you don’t know shit.”

Law leaned forward and grabbed Kidd’s chin, the rings on his fingers digging painfully into the flesh on Kidd’s jaw. Kidd couldn’t help the shudder of excitement that rocketed through him at the contact, that little bit of pain.

He was so fucking sick.

“You know,” Law said softly, “maybe I should just let Doflamingo fuck me. It would solve almost all my problems.”

Sometime later, if someone asked Kidd what happened after that, he wouldn’t be able to answer. He remembered what Law said, and the rage it called up from deep inside him, but then there was nothing for a stretch of time that he couldn’t measure. Just blackness. Then, he was blinking, staring down at Law’s face, and licking blood from his lips.

 _What the hell?_ What just happened?

Law was beneath him, gasping, eyes heavy and lidded. He was wrecked in that way he got when they were fucking. His shirt was ripped open, and there was blood on his chest directly over his heart. They were on the floor, the chairs somewhere to the side toppled over.

So caught up in seeing Law this way, the way he fucking loved so much, it took Kidd a few moments to process what had happened.

 _No…_ he panicked, _no no no no…_

He’d lost it again, just like he knew he would. Law had pushed him in just the right way and it had happened again, he had hurt Law _again_. He’d fucked up _again!_

“Hey,” Law’s hand slid around the back of his neck, “hey, come here.”

Kidd didn’t have it in him to fight. He let himself be pulled down, rested his elbow on the floor underneath Law’s arm. He felt Law’s lips on his jaw, his chin, cheek. He closed his eyes, and moaned softly, but whether it was in pleasure or in agony, he wasn’t quite sure.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered, “I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay,” Law soothed, his hands finding their way up his chest and around his shoulders. “It’s okay.”

Feeling the press of Law’s jeans against his stomach, Kidd felt the smallest bit of relief. He may have made Law bleed a little, but at least he’d had the presence of mind to come out of his frenzy before he violated him again.

He felt Law’s tongue at the corner of his mouth, licking away the blood, and another shiver wracked through his body.

“Traf… stop…” he whispered.

Law froze.

Kidd pulled away and put his palm over tattooed fingers. He removed Law’s hand from behind his neck and lay it across that bloody chest. There was no way he could do this. He couldn’t take advantage of Law like this again. He was a shitty fucking person, but he wasn’t _that_ shitty.

Getting to his knees, Kidd rested back on his ankles and fisted his hands into his jeans. His body was trembling, and he wasn’t sure if it was from anger at himself, adrenaline, or if it was just from the effort of holding himself back.

“Get out,” he said. His voice was soft, but there was no mistaking the command.

Law sat up, disbelief painted plainly on his face.

“Kidd…”

“Get the fuck out,” Kidd repeated, this time a little louder.

That rage returned to those dark eyes, and Law pulled himself to his feet. He didn’t yell, or scream, he didn’t stomp away in a huff, he merely straightened his shirt, pushed his hair out of his eyes, and calmly made for the door.

Kidd stayed where he was, fighting every urge to call out to Law, to plead with him to come back, his fists gripping the fabric of his jeans so tightly he was probably going to tear them. When Law stopped at the threshold, pausing before turning the handle, Kidd clenched his jaw and dared a glance at his former friend, former lover’s back.

Law rolled his shoulders, seemed so slough off some of his regret and shame. He stood taller, more confident, as if he had just come to an epiphany that justified every decision he’d ever made.

Kidd wasn’t ready to be tossed aside that easily, and he sure as hell wasn’t ready for Law’s next words.

“You know,” Law said calmly, quietly, just loud enough for Kidd to hear, “you’re the worst person I’ve ever known.”

Then he turned the handle and slipped out, the door closing behind him with a soft click.

Kidd stayed kneeling in that spot for a long time, long enough for his legs to ache, and then start cramping. He couldn’t move, could barely even breath. The weight of every mistake he had ever made bore down on him until he finally just leaned forward, catching himself on his hands, and then slowly lowered himself to the floor on his side.

The wood was cold and unforgiving against the side of his face, but he didn’t care, he knew this was where he belonged. Law’s words still rang in his ears. They rang true, sending pain, the likes of which he had never felt before, cutting through his chest.

He lay there until he fell into an exhausted sleep, and in the morning when he woke, he knew there was only one thing left that he could do.

* * *

“Um, Kidd… Kidd? Is this a good idea? I mean… it’s Doflamingo.”

Kidd sat at the bar, his half-empty glass of whiskey between his fingers. He turned to Bepo, took in the big man’s pale face and wide, frightened eyes, and shrugged slowly.

“I have no idea.”

“Is he, I mean…” Bepo paused for a moment, licked his lips, and then tried again. “Is he gonna be okay?”

Kidd shrugged again. “Not up to me.”

That probably wasn’t the answer Bepo had been looking for, but Kidd wasn’t about to explain his plan right there in the middle of the club with Doflamingo’s goons milling about. Bepo would have to wait and see what was going to happen like the rest of them.

He had closed the club for the day, siting a construction issue. Killer, Drake, Bartolomeo, and the rest of the crew had spent the morning and afternoon clearing the basement of rubble and debris. They had moved all the piles of supplies and materials to rest against the walls, and had flattened the floor as best they could with shovels and rakes. Killer had even roped off the area they were designating the new Pit so there was no confusion.

When the doors opened, Kidd turned, expecting to see Doflamingo himself finally arriving, but he was pleasantly surprised.

Okay, not _that_ surprised.

It was Luffy’s crew. All of them. The swordsman and the cook of course, the sniper, Nami, the big guy that wore the fucking tacky Hawaiian shirts, the bombshell brunette, the tall black dude with the bitchin’ afro, and even the little doctor. There were a few others too, but Kidd didn’t know how they were affiliated and didn’t really care.

The swordsman and the cook nodded to him in greeting—he really should learn their names because they were actually kind of cool—and ushered everyone past him and through the service door leading to the basement. Kidd watched them go, eyeing the couple who dared a glance back at him with his best unreadable glare.

“You proud of yourself?” a voice at his side asked.

Kidd turned and found the little doctor standing at his side, eyes dark and fearless, staring up at him with anger and not a little resentment. It was as surprising as it was… kind of cute? This little guy had some brass balls, Kidd would give him that. Most people shrunk away from him on sight, and it was even more rare when someone that wasn’t a big name in the underground looked him in the eye.

What was this guy’s name? Choco? Chappy?

“Well?” the little guy asked again, seeming impatient. Damn, that was kind of sexy.

“What’re you talking about?” Kidd growled and leaned in, testing the mettle of this one’s resolve.

Apparently, his mettle was strong. He didn’t even flinch.

“You’re going to just let Law fight this crazy asshole with a cracked rib and a dislocated shoulder and two broken fingers?”

Oh, shit, Kidd hadn’t known about the fingers.

“I also had to stich up his chest last night,” he— _Chopper, that was his name_ —said. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you two…”

Kidd felt himself smiling. He couldn’t help it.

“Glad to hear someone’s looking out for him.”

Chopper scoffed and his glare turned menacing, if you could call any kind of look on that face menacing. “Someone has to.”

“Chopper!” a voice called. Kidd glanced toward the door to the basement and found the one with the dreadlocks, the sniper, trying desperately not to look at him and motioning for Chopper to follow him.

Chopper waved to the guy and looked back at Kidd one last time.

“If Law get’s hurt tonight, and I mean really hurt, or killed? You answer to me.”

Even with the small frame, and the big bedroom eyes, the kid had enough conviction in him that Kidd felt the weight of those words. It wasn’t an empty threat, not even close.

He nodded once in response and watched as Chopper moved away and slipped through the door.

Turning back to his glass, Kidd finished what was left of his whiskey in one swallow, and before he set the glass down, Killer was at his side speaking quietly into his ear.

“We’re ready, boss.”

Kidd put the glass on the bar top and stood, wasting no time.

“Excellent, let’s get this thing started.”

* * *

The area around The Pit was packed. The club may have been closed, but word had spread among the regulars and friends of employees. Bets were still being placed just like normal, and drinks were being poured. Drake was good at his job, one of the best bartends Kidd had ever known, and Bartolomeo could run a betting table as good an any professional bookie. Maybe even better. Kidd didn’t like to think about how this whole thing was benefiting the club, not when his friend’s life was in danger, but that didn’t change the fact that even with the club’s doors technically closed, it was still very likely they would bring in a quarter mil and the very least.

Law was standing at the north side, just inside the ropes, arms folded across his chest, face bruised but still so goddamn handsome. He looked like he belonged there, the son of a bitch. He looked like he fought infamous criminals on a regular basis and kicked the shit out of them. He looked like he won fights against super powerful crime bosses every night and then went home to his boyfriend and fucked the shit out of him until the next morning.

God damnit. God. _Damnit._

Luffy and his brother were there behind him. They stood much the same way, minus the bruises of course, owning the place with just their presence. The brothers were Law’s First and Second, his backup in case rules were broken or someone got their face smashed into the dirt for too long. Kidd liked all his fighters to have two backups, the only ones that were allowed one was the cook and swordsman duo. Those idiots preferred it be just the two of them.

Turning to the south side, Kidd saw Doflamingo already in the ring. It was somewhat startling because Kidd hadn’t actually known he had arrived. How had he gotten past his security? Why hadn’t someone come and told him he was here?

Kidd made a mental note to skin some hides when this was over.

Climbing up onto the north platform, Kidd held up a hand and a hush fell over the crowd. He was surprisingly nervous, a tickle forming at the back of his throat, like he needed to cough or clear it desperately, but he managed to swallow past it all and signal for Bepo to start the count in.

The two fighters moved forward, towards the center of the ring and towards each other. Kidd stood still as Bepo ran down the rules, and then backed away.

Kidd’s heart started to pound.

“Ready… _fight!_ ”

The cheering started almost instantly. People were screaming, jumping up and down, chanting Law’s name, shouting Doflamingo’s. Kidd didn’t even want to watch, but he made himself keep his gaze in the center. If Law could endure it, Kidd knew he could fucking watch.

The first round went fairly well. Chopper had obviously patched Law up well enough that he was almost back to factory condition. He dodged Doflamingo’s punches and actually managed to land a few kicks without too much damage to himself. However, Kidd did notice he moved a little slower than usual, his body a little stiff.

The second round did not go as well. It was obvious Doflamingo had been using the first one as a test, or maybe to create a false sense of hope. As soon as Bepo started them again, Doflamingo was suddenly a different person, a different fighter. Law had no chance of matching him, he moved too fast, hit too hard. He not only had the advantage of strength and speed, he also had not started the fight injured.

Taking a breath, Kidd prepared himself as Law went down and the round was called.

He found Luffy’s eyes over the crowd, and the kid fucking grinned at him.

* * *

Everyone who attended the fight that night, knew there was history between Eustass Kidd, the club owner, and one of the club’s fighters, Thomas Heart. No one knew what that history was, but it was obvious they were close, and the rumors hovering around Kidd, about him being ex mafia, may have fueled the rumors about Heart in turn. The man was an amazing fighter, and could command a room pretty much by just being in it. He didn’t talk much, and never stuck around to mingle after the fights. He was a mystery, a legend at the club and throughout the community.

That’s why it was so unexpected to see him lose so completely to this random guy from California. Granted, the guy was huge, obviously strong, and capable, but Heart had gone up against so many just like him. Why was this guy any different?

The third time Heart went down, Doflamingo didn’t let him back up. Heart’s First and Second called for time out, but the ref put up his hands. Apparently, whatever Doflamingo was doing was still within the rules. It was surprising though, because what it _looked_ like he was doing, was choking Heart to death.

Then a voice shouted over the crowd, amazingly, as the throng had reached quite the decibel. The voice was smooth and rich, commanding. Heads turned to the north platform, necks craned to see who was interrupting.

Eustass Kidd.

The club’s owner moved through a gaggle of people, the bodies moving apart easily to let him through to the ring. When he neared Doflamingo and Heart, he stopped, and slipped his hands into the pockets of his expensive slacks. He studied Doflamingo, and Doflamingo studied him back.

“Let him go,” Kidd said clearly.

There were gasps throughout the crowd, exclamations of surprise and dismay. If Kidd was stopping the fight, that meant Heart was conceding.

Doflamingo smiled, and it was predatory. “I don’t think so,” he said, “this man owes me a debt that he refuses to pay, so by all the rules that I know of, he has to fight me until he loses, or _he_ decides to quit.”

A few shouts and a few more exclamations rippled through the crowd again. Kidd tilted his head to the side, and surprisingly, returned Doflamingo’s smile. It was just as predatory; just as frightening.

“Let him go now,” he said, louder this time.

Doflamingo did then, but only so he could straighten and move closer to where Kidd stood. Heart coughed and rolled to his side, getting to his knees and growling softly.

“Kidd…” he wheezed, “what the fuck?”

Kidd ignored him.

“I’m invoking Commonteach.”

No one moved, no one spoke, mostly because no one in the crowd knew what that word meant.

Doflamingo, however, apparently did. He threw his head back and laughed at the ceiling.

“Commonteach!? Are you kidding? Now _that_ is old school! Are you seriously going to risk everything you have on this man?” He pointed to Heart, “This piece of shit?”

A lot of people saw the twitch in Kidd’s cheek when Doflamingo said those words, but would ever say anything about it again.

“Yeah,” Kidd said softly, “I would.”

“No!” Heart gasped, trying to get himself to his feet. “No, Kidd, don’t!”

Kidd still ignored him. “We have a deal?”

Doflamingo studied Kidd for a moment, and then nodded. “If you lose, I get your club, your men, all your assets, and _him_ ,” he pointed to Heart. “Are you sure?”

Kidd didn’t flinch.

“Yes.”

Doflamingo threw back his head again, laughing almost hysterically. “Ah this is incredible! I never thought you’d be this stupid!” He righted himself again and poked one, long finger into Kidd’s chest. “Who’s your fighter?”

At this, Kidd’s smile turned savage.

“This guy.”

A young man, maybe mid-twenties, with wild black hair and a wide smile appeared at Kidd’s side. Another wave of murmurs and gasps went through the crowd. Everyone knew who he was, but what were they thinking?! He wasn’t even half Doflamingo’s size! And he hadn’t fought a match in almost a year!

Doflamingo seemed to be stuck between confusion, and thinking this was some kind of joke.

“Who the hell are you?” he asked.

The young man’s smile widened.

“I’m Luffy.”

* * *

There was no contest. It wasn’t even a proper fight. To the surprise and astonishment of everyone in that basement, except a choice few of course, Luffy wiped that dirt floor clean with Doflamingo’s broken body. The whole thing didn’t even last three minutes.

Afterward, Kidd left the books and the money and the after party to his men and climbed the stairs to his apartment. He was tired, weariness had seeped into his bones like the cold found your skin through a tear in your jacket. He kicked off his shoes by the door, grabbed a half empty bottle of bourbon, and was about to flop down on his chair, when he heard the door open.

Law stood at the threshold.

Kidd wasn’t sure what to do, and Law obviously wasn’t sure if he was allowed in, so the two stood facing each other, not moving or speaking for what seemed like hours.

Finally, Law swallowed thickly and said, “May I come in?”

Kidd nodded.

The door closed, and Law limped over to the bar. He sat on one of the stools and winced.

“You need an ice pack?” Kidd asked.

Law shook his head. They stayed silent, still watching each other for another few moments.

Finally, just as Kidd started to speak, Law opened his mouth, and they talked over each other.

“I just came to tell you—”

“I’m sorry for the way---”

They stopped, and Law smiled sheepishly. “Sorry.”

Kidd shook his head and moved closer, coming to the bar but not sitting on the only other stool.

“You go first.”

Law sighed and readjusted carefully. “You um…” his breath seemed to catch and he paused. Then, without warning, tears filled his eyes and Kidd’s knees almost buckled.

“You didn’t have to do that for me,” Law said softly, swallowing a sob. “You almost threw away everything you’ve done here, all your men, almost got Luffy killed.” He palmed at his eyes, wiping away the wetness before it hit his cheeks.

“Why’re you so stupid?”

Law’s lips were trembling and it was all Kidd could do to just stand there and not go to him, kiss him senseless.

“I don’t think,” he cleared his throat. “I was gonna do it myself, but rules of Commonteach are pretty strict. Besides, Luffy’s been practically begging me to throw him in the ring with Doflamingo.”

Despite the tears, Law laughed. “Okay, yeah, that makes sense.”

The tension lifted between them, and for a moment it almost seemed as if they were back to the way things had been down in California. Kidd moved to sit on the other stool, and offered Law the bottle, who took it gratefully and took a long drink.

They sat together in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, neither needing an explanation or an apology from the other. For the first time in years, they were finally at an understanding again. Kidd wasn’t going to go as far as to say they were ready to be together, no that was probably never going to happen again, not when they were still so good at hurting each other, but at least they were kind of on the same page.

When Law took the last dredge from the bottle, emptying it, he set it down behind the bar and wiped his mouth with a bloody hand.

“I need to go, Chopper is waiting to patch me up.”

Kidd smiled. “That kid is very protective.”

Law nodded. “I’ll see you?”

“Yeah,” Kidd nodded back.

He watched Law go and stood to close the door behind him. When he was alone, he let the nervousness and the adrenaline and all the other things he had been holding so tightly inside himself throughout the day flow out of him and he hobbled to his room. He fell on the bed and let his body sink down into the softness of the mattress. He thought about Luffy, and his unshakeable will to help his friends. He thought about his crew and how fucking amazing and loyal they all were. How did he get so lucky?

And he thought about Law. Things weren’t perfect, but damn, they had recovered in leaps and bounds in just a few hours. Maybe he was on the right path to redemption. At least he hoped so.

Kidd slept well that night for the first time in months.

END

**Author's Note:**

> The practice of Commonteach is real. It's where someone can stop a feud between two people by putting everything he or she's in charge of on the line. The actual rules are that person and the other party both have to provide fighters, but I wanted Luffy to fight Doffy so I tweaked it a little. The name comes from a mesh of Irish and Italian mafia sayings that mean something like "death deal."
> 
> The title of this fic is a bit of a line from [Out Of The Past](https://www.bestmoviesbyfarr.com/movies/out-of-the-past/1947). Great noir film starring Robert Mitchum and Jane Greer.
> 
>  
> 
> _Jeff: "That’s not the way to win."_  
>  _Kathie: "Is there a way to win?"_  
>  _Jeff: "There’s a way to lose more slowly."_


End file.
